There is a myth roaming about, and it is that married women and single women can’t be friends.
Oh, Hanna, please. Stop being dramatic. No one is saying that. All women have single and married friends.
Okay, but really. Maybe they can be friends, but there’s something wrong… and I can’t put my finger on it.
…In all honesty, I am just trying so hard to think of something to write other than,
Single people, STOP FEELING SO MISUNDERSTOOD!
Here’s my argument, just in pure logic: Every married person has been single. Therefore, every married person knows what it’s like to be single.
I mean, kind of? Never mind, that’s not my point. Before you jump down my throat and ridicule me, I know that being single in your late twenties or in your thirties is different than being single in your early twenties or teens. It has to be. I can see why you think I don’t understand. And I might not. But that’s not my point. Sorry, it takes me a while to get there sometimes.
My point is, married people are very often misunderstood by you, too.
This article is what got me all riled up. (No hate to the author. I don’t know what her community is like.) Maybe you should glance at it before you keep reading, because I’m pretty much responding to it. It makes me feel like an awful person for being married and having single friends, which is not something I like to feel.
I’m not trying to say that I know what it’s like to be single when you feel like you should be married. I’m just trying to say that I hate being told that I can’t relate to you, or that I assume things about you. I hate that being single or married is a dividing line between us, and that we choose to define ourselves by our relationship statuses. I hate that married women think they have more in common with married women, and that single women think they have more in common with single women. I still feel weird being put in the “married” category when I’ve only been married for five months, but I was single for practically my whole life. I hate when people make me feel like I have a charmed life just because I have a husband, or that I can’t relate to suffering or sorrow or singleness because I have a husband. I hate being made to feel like my troubles should be easier to bear because I’m married.
Having a husband isn’t the most important thing about me. It doesn’t define my whole life, and it doesn’t make everything better. I can relate to your loneliness. I can relate to the question of Why Hasn’t God Done This For Me Yet? I don’t pity you. I don’t think I’m more put-together than you. I don’t put you in a box because you’re not married. I don’t think of you as my single friend. The advice I give to you is not from a “married” point of view. It’s just my point of view. I don’t exclude you because you’re not married. Sometimes I feel excluded because I am married.
I am probably stepping on a lot of toes. And I’ll admit I probably have this all wrong or something. I just want you to know how I feel, and see if there’s anyone else – single or married – experiencing the same frustration. It’s really easy for women to not get along. I just want us to stop finding more excuses to feel misunderstood. We are first and foremost humans, and women, who experience the same basic emotions, wounds, fears, and tendencies to judge one another.
(P.S. There’s a great comment by Kelsey Paulsen in the aforementioned article that pretty much makes me feel all rosy again. She says it all so much better than I just tried to. If you read the article, I suggest hunting a little for it!)