This post isn’t really about gay marriage.

It’s all over the news: New York has lifted their ban on gay marriage. People everywhere are either commending or condemning the same-sex couples who have recently tied the knot. I am doing neither.

I was sifting through some pictures, though. I was surprised by how old some of the couples were. One woman who just got married was being pushed in a wheelchair by her new wife. Some of the couples I couldn’t even tell were same-sex because some of the women looked so masculine or the men so feminine. There was just such a variety of people, and they all looked so happy.

I felt sad when looking through the pictures at first. I’m sort of indifferent toward gay marriage, but as a Christian I don’t believe that same-sex couples are what God intended. So as I was looking at them, I was vaguely praying, asking that they would find the true love of Jesus they were looking for. But then I just noticed their smiling faces and felt like I was being so self-righteous.

They look happier than me! They have love that I don’t have.

Whoaa.

Shocked at my own thoughts, I realized that I have a teeny tiny view of Christ’s love for me. To look at a woman beaming because she finally got the chance to marry her life partner and be jealous? To think that she has experienced love greater than what I know? Ridiculous!

I’m so thankful that the Holy Spirit helped me to see that in myself, but man do I feel ugly.

Paul explains in Ephesians 3 that he wants us to be so identified with Christ’s love that we are rooted in it. That we need to know and understand how wide, long, high, and deep the love of Christ is. It is love that surpasses knowledge. It is unquestionable love – proven in the person of Jesus. All that he did and does, living, dying, and resurrected, was and is because he loves us. And those of us who know his love were chosen to know his love.

Think about it, and allow your mind to be blown. I’m so far from believing it.

If I have love that’s so deep, why don’t I always feel loved? When I think about the love of Christ, I feel like it should be constantly hitting me like waves. Why isn’t it like that?

I just realized I started writing this post with absolutely no answers thought up. I know I could go on forever explaining Christ’s love and how it’s proven and what it means, but how do I explain how that doesn’t translate to how I feel? Honestly, it shakes my faith. And I’m saying that because I know it probably shakes yours too.

The only other thing I can think to say is this:

How can we be constantly preaching to ourselves the love of Christ?

I need to continue the process of being rooted and established in love every day. But what does that mean?

This is very word-vomity. You must leave comments and help me out. Your thoughts?

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2 thoughts on “This post isn’t really about gay marriage.

  1. Jalyssa Eliasen says:

    You have no idea how thankful I was reading this. This is a wisdom that few possess, Hanna.

    You’ve hit the nail on the head here in your observations of homosexuality. It all comes back to knowing the love of Christ. THAT is what the Church must preach to gays. It is the fundamental understanding that ALL non-Christians must be told.

    You’re so right. How do we preach the love of Christ to ourselves? I suppose it comes when we ask him. I’ve been in a place of some confusion in the past couple of weeks…coming back home was an unwelcome part of my plan. I want to go to NY, see the world, embrace the acting calling the Lord has put on my life! But who’s to say this quiet time in Cincinnati is not a time when Christ is calling me to reevaulate and come back to him?

    How do we rediscover the love of Christ? By stepping out in faith…taking risks…prayer…accountability…and trusting.

  2. Kiefer says:

    You don’t know who I am but I just want to say that I stumbled upon this and have read a few of your posts, and I find them very enjoyable and full of wisdom. God bless!

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