If you asked me why I chose to start this again now, these are the answers I would give you:
1. I write when I’m sad, and life is sad sometimes.
2. Obligation. As I’m back in school with all the people who will soon be competing with me for jobs in the hoppin’, hip journalism world, I have to write more. Practice more. Vent more. And constantly bob on my toes. I feel like I’m at the back of the mob of people with their tiny memo pads, shiny silver digital recorders, pencils in hand, hands raised. I have to hop to even see over their heads. They’re all in black high heels and pencil skirts. It’s like a daytime nightmare in my head right now. I’m feeling the pressure.
3. I’ve found that the more I write, the more I find things to write about. That’s always a good thing.
4. So much is going on, and I have so many outlets. I write in my journal; I type on a secret, sacred word document; I upload my facebook status every day; I Tweet. Yet sometimes, though they are all channels for all my thoughts and feelings, none of them seem quite appropriate.
As a side note, when do you think computers, Word, etc. are finally going to recognize “facebook” as a word?
5. Music. It is finally safe to listen to music again, and it is good. Music is better than I remembered. I guess nothing had happened to make me feel it. I have at least three new life experiences under my belt since the last time I actively listened to music. And that’s one of the greatest things about music: the longer your life is – the more things that happen to you – the better music gets. I understand songs that I only thought I understood before.
You know, I really dislike it when people use lyrics for everything. I start to wonder if some people have even one original thought. But, as usual, I’ve started to realize my own hypocrisy. It’s like hearing music in a new way. I’m different now; my ears are part of me; my ears are different (by the transitive property). I want to repeat lyrics and everyone to have the same experience as me.
Isn’t that what communication is? Trying to get people to understand, so that they can experience the same thing as you?
6. Miss-communication sucks (why isn’t “miscommunication” a word?). Here, I can be really vague about certain frustrations and be really selfish and honest without worrying about anyone reading it. Except there’s the other little factor that someone could read it. But I know that, probably, no one reads this. But they could. I like that about blogs. They leave so much to chance. They’re kind of what risky is for boring people.
7. I don’t like having six. I’m not even really sure if I’m listing things anymore.
8. I miss using semicolons.
To end: lyrics. Because I embrace the fact that sometimes I don’t mean what I think.
We love you, Jesus, for so many reason
For death and life and freedom
Even now, we love you.
We love you, Jesus, in and out of seasons
In valleys and on top of mountains
Even now can we sing.
Just as a P.S., that (^) has a lot to do with Josh Gulvas. I wish I could just swallow his outlook on life so it becomes a part of me. It wasn’t even really an outlook, it was just who he was. I wonder if we all have the same capacity for love and sorrow as everybody else. How do we discover it?